Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
Randomize
