I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
Randomize
