you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
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