It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
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