The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
