2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Randomize
