Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
