Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
Randomize
