end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
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