I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
Randomize
