Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
Randomize
