i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize