Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
Randomize
