if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
Randomize
