Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
Randomize
