I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
