We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Randomize
