I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
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