Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
I booty called her while she was in labor.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
Randomize
