I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
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