Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Randomize
