i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
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