I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
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