last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Randomize
