imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
Randomize
