another moral hangover. fuck.
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
Randomize
