D3 body, D1 cock
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
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