I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
try to milk me bitch
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
Randomize
