i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
Randomize
