Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
Randomize
