i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
Randomize
