she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
I yelled at your uterus for you.
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
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