Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Randomize
