I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
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I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
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I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
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