Where is the hickey?
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
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