you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
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