Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
Randomize
