I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
