i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
Randomize
