New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
you will always have a special place in my vag
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
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