watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
Randomize
