i always forget guys have bellybuttons
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
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