he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
