i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest