shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
These 25 People Forgave their Significant Others for Saying Stupid Things
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream