she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.