Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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