turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
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