I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Randomize
