sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
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