The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
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