I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
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