Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
Randomize
