Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Randomize
