I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
