I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
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