I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
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