So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
Randomize
