jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
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