i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
We have started to decorate penises.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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