Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
im about as happy as oj after his trial
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
