sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
