he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
He did a backflip because drugs
Randomize