...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
