Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
Green mimosas i think yes
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
Randomize
