I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
