you traded sex for a burrito?
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
