so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
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Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
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