Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
Randomize
