You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
i wish my penis had a tongue
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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