took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Randomize
