I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
