he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize