i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
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