my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
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