he told me I talked like a deaf person
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
