I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
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