You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Randomize
