He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
